*** Chip and I just returned from a sunrise walk on the beach. We found many starfish on the edges of the rising tide, and a few jellies and hermit crabs and sand dollars. The sunrise is beautifully magical...
*** Hearing the approaching thunder upon waking from a nap, I ran out to the beach to get some great photos in the moody light. Now I'm on the little front balcony of the condo, overlooking the tennis courts, and the thunder storm is putting on a rumbly show! I'm sitting across from the man with whom I am so glad to share these moments, fourteen years after our first visit to this island. I am giddy with happiness and contentment in the moment, experiencing with heightened senses this exciting storm.
How often do we allow ourselves to just sit and watch the rain fall, or nap in the middle of the day? How often do I take the time to see the beauty of the world with the heightened senses that result from being an observer of all its wonders, liberated, knowing and fully trusting a provisional spirit to the point of fearlessness, joy and abandon?
When I was younger woman, I trusted a provisional God in this way. I was lighter of heart, more carefree, unburdened, unconcerned. So much changes when trust is not REAL to my heart. My life becomes riddled with thoughts of the morrow, plans, preparations, anxieties, urgency, pressures. I cannot truly work or live or love or give under that weight - so why not "cast all my cares upon Him who cares for me?" Is this practice no longer valid, now that I am "Ms. Responsible Married Adult?" God certainly has not withdrawn that timeless offer. I have withdrawn - become skeptical, proud and controlling. Living in the moment requires trust. People I admire exhibit this quality.
*** I've been captivated by so many beautiful moments this week. I am awakenend to be aware of them. I have been restored to contentment and happiness and liberation, freed to do what I love without urgency and stress, as I let go of fears and trust the things I most care about - our children, my lover, our situation, our loved ones, our income, our future - to a benevolent Love.